By SCOTT D. PETERSON
A treasure trove of 19th century pornography found during renovations at the
White House belonged to our revered 16th president, Abraham Lincoln, stunned
historians report.
"Don't let the dignified beard and stove-pipe hat fool you -- the only thing
Honest Abe wanted to emancipate was women from their clothing," joked historian
John Castelli, who headed up a team of 11 Lincoln experts charg-ed with
authenticating the racy find.
"Kidding aside, this discovery quite clearly has a serious side, too.
"The photographs strongly suggest that Lincoln, a champion of human rights,
viewed women as second-class citizens and mere sex objects."
Uncovered in a hidden recess behind the east wall of the Lincoln bedroom were
three hand-bound albums containing what one Washington pundit called "four score
and seven" pictures of naked or scantily clad women.
A photo of Lincoln's wife, Mary Todd Lincoln, graced one centerfold, her private
parts barely covered by a dainty silk handkerchief.
"The fact that Lincoln collected sexy photographs isn't all that shocking when
you consider that many accomplished men of his day were sexually repressed,"
said Castelli.
"Like anyone else, they searched for a 'release.'"
Interestingly, the Lincoln collection is said to include a crude-but-working
"flip-book precursor" to modern X-rated movies.